He told me I was selfish. I had just returned from the weekly shopping and was carrying in bags of groceries. My eldest son was helping carry in the remaining bags. I could smell the alcohol on his breath. He said I needed to take him to the hospital because he had cut his finger while installing a hitch. It was clear he was looking for a fight. I said I was not prepared to take him to the hospital when he was drunk. Bad answer.

He told me I was selfish. I just wanted to ignore him. I wanted him to stop. He could feel my resentment and fed off it. He said I only bought what I wanted. You didn’t get my Lactaid milk. I was giving him answers but those were unwanted. He took the three different bottles of milk I had purchased and poured each one down the sink. After pouring the milk down the sink he threw the container on the floor for emphasis. He yelled out that if he didn’t get the milk he wanted no one else was getting milk.

I am stupid and selfish. A stupid and selfish bitch. I go to the store and all I buy is what I want to eat. I spend a lot of money on myself and don’t care about anyone else. How much did I spend? I told him he could go to the store and purchase what he wanted. Bad answer.

My son came into the room. He was sticking up for me again. He asked my husband how much he spent on his alcohol and cigarettes every week. He told my husband he thought he spent a couple of hundred dollars a week. He told my husband what he thought was the total amount he spent on those items. My son said he had been helping me pay for groceries every month. This enraged my husband. He told him to get out of his house. I said the house belonged to me too and our son didn’t need to leave.

I asked my husband to go outside to cool off. He refused. He told my son that I had made him useless. I had ruined him. I was the factor of ruination for my husband. He told me he would have been very successful if I had helped him. Someone had to be blamed for my husband’s anger and disappointments.

My son had enough. He told my husband he was a son of a bitch. I watched my husband reaction. It was like a switch had been flipped. He screamed out that my son couldn’t insult his mother. He rushed over to my son and grabbed hold of him. I rushed to stand in between them. I tried to keep my husband from grabbing my son’s neck. My son held a laundry basket up to protect himself and my husband ripped it in half.

I saw my husband eyes turn to a glass bottle on the side buffet. I said no, no you don’t. He grabbed the bottle and broke it against the side table. I saw him try to stab my son with the broken end. My son screamed out for his brother’s help and finally my husband was dragged off.

My eldest son asked me where my cellphone was and called 911. He was standing in our living room with his t-shirt torn into two pieces. My husband stood and watched my son call for the police. He yelled at us that he would make us pay and he ran from our home and drove away.

The police came and I was shaking. We were interviewed separately. I couldn’t comprehend what had happened. I couldn’t process it. When the police left my younger son said dad is going to jail this time. I said yes I thought he would. My older son asked me what I was going to do. He was watching me and waiting. What would it take to make me wake up?

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